With glittery tassels hanging on the walls, fake Little Doncaster ladyboy flowers, fairy lights and complimentary peanuts, crisps and Flumps on offer at the bar — plus the sense that many of the people here are regulars — the atmosphere is more akin to an Essex knees-up than an orgy.
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This impression is reinforced when the DJ drops Chas n' Dave's "Rabbit" to the Find love in South Croydon delight of everyone.
My tour complete, Big George shakes my hand and wishes me luck.
I head to the sauna, where I find Val and Pam. I ask Val if she's a regular.
It's me escape. It's only five minutes from me 'ouse in the car.
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She's got a list going behind the bar. There are cheers from the second pool.
The dirty cow! Pam giggles. Is there a lot of sex here, then?
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Val accidentally brushes against my leg. I ask her why she started coming here in the first place.
My daughter and son-in-law told me about it. I didn't know what a blowjob was before, what an orgasm was Still living in the same house. Housing association gaff.
Separate bedrooms. He won't divorce me.
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